you see, i’ve seen this movie already, no fewer than four times. in spanish. it was on a continuous loop (along with 2 episodes of “seinfeld”, and the horrific remake of “guess who’s coming to dinner?” starring ashton kutcher) on a 24 hour bus journey from santiago to san pedro de atacama in chile.
i swore after that journey i’d never want to see either angelina or brad’s face ever again. who knew i’d be so wrong?
then again, who knew i’d be revisiting a hellacious 24 hour bus ride as a fond trip down memory lane?
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Like this post“jen?”
i look up, and across from me is a thin blond woman who seems oddly familiar, but is not ringing any bells as I try to place her face.
“it’s lucy. from laos.”
…
we were on the slow boat down the mekong river in Laos, from Huay Xia to Luang Prabang – a two day journey, with an overnight stopover in the tiny flyspot village of pak beng. pak beng has exactly 3 rustic “hostels”, limited running water, and electricity only between the hours of 7-11. still, after 9 very long hours on an uncomfortable cargo boat, we were eager to explore, so we walked down to the dirt path by the river as light began to fall. as we walked past a brightly lit house with blaring, thumping american music, we saw a few other tourists from the boat inside, beckoning us in. turns out the party was actually a wedding reception for two young laos newlyweds in their late teens, and we spent the rest of the evening dancing to rap music, drinking the local moonshine, and chatting with a group of australian girls who were on their way to england after their holidays. in particular i spent some time talking to this girl lucy, who was a qualified occupational therapist, about the nhs and her tentative plans to move to london, giving her my email and telling her she should get in touch. we bonded in that way you do when you are travelers thrown together in a strange environment, and you’ve been drinking too much homemade grain alcohol, and the whole world is your friend.
…
and now here she was in front of me – holy shit. i am really bad with recognising people out of context, but as soon as she said “laos” it all came flooding back to me. turns out she lives just in clapham, of all places. so she filled me in on her experiences since moving here, and i told her about the rest of our travels. we engaged in small talk until we reached her tube stop. and then, she was gone. there was a brief moment where i thought about exchanging phone numbers… but then it passed. i think sometimes travel bonds don’t always survive the real world – and maybe that’s the way it’s meant to be.
the train pulled out of the station.
i went back to reading my paper.
It seemed at first that they had got off to stretch their legs, while their driver argued with another vehicle coming in the other direction about who should give way. (Reversing is not something you undertake lightly on a cliff edge.)
It transpired instead though, that the bus driver was dying. Blinded by the dust, he had run into the back of a truck. The bus’s steering column had gone through him – severing his legs.
There was nothing anyone could do. Mobile phones do not work here. In any case, who would you call? There are no emergency services.
And no way of getting help through, even if any were to be found. The bus driver bled to death.
…
High in the Andes, they are building a new road. A by-pass, to replace the old one. But this is Bolivia, and already it has been 20 years in the making.
so much in bolivia goes unnoticed by the rest of the world, and it’s just so tragic that lives continue to be lost at an alarming rate – if only there were something more that could be done.
bolivia, road safety]]>i don’t know why i am suddenly so reluctant to move – it makes no logical sense, for sure. i have been wanting an apartment of our own for so long – since j and i got together. i haven’t had a flat that i didn’t share since my ex and i split up more than 5 years ago. ever since, i’ve had a flatmate – some better, some worse. there was johnny, my close friend’s brother back when i still lived in boston, who was funny and cool. there was angela, from my first move to london, who was lovely. there was arlene, who was a ditz and annoying, but kindhearted. there was alex, who was a depressed unemployed slob – not so good. and always, there were our friends next door – kerryn and tracey, who are really just family in the form of neighbours.
i was never alone. i’ve been surrounded by friends and family wherever i went.
and being on the road for 6 months, the one thing you get truly homesick for are your friends. it’s friends you wish were there to have beers at sunset in fiji. friends you wish were there to go snowboarding in nz with. friends you wish were there when you’re at a sidewalk cafe in santiago, or dazzled by the salt plains of bolivia, or sucking down pad thai on khao san road in bangkok. it’s friends you can’t wait to share stories with when you get back. of all the things you leave behind, it’s friends you miss the most.
so since we’ve been back it’s been so wonderful – we’ve been staying with kim and andy at their place, who’ve been so generous and warm. and honestly, like a parched plant, i’ve just been soaking it in. it is so nice to be surrounded by friends again. to have people to talk to, to have the luxury of familar faces and comfortable companions. i am sad to leave this cocoon of embrace.
finally moving means the trip is genuinely over. finally moving means being truly on our own, and facing london again. finally moving means losing our built in circle of family and friends and flatmates that i’ve taken for granted for so long. more than anything else, that’s what i don’t want to let go of.
i know it’s time. i know we’ve worked hard for this. i know our flat is still close by. so it makes no sense, this reluctance.
but if you had the friends i do, you’d feel it too.
]]>but what galls me is that shitloads of tourists pay crazy money to bike down “the world’s most dangerous road” (with over 100 fatalities a year). we originally intended to do it as well – it was only because we were shaken up from the accident only days before that we decided not to. yet none of that money pouring in goes toward improving the road safety. probably because they’d lose the tourism dollars.
one life lost every three days is far too high a price to pay.
bolivia, accident, road safety]]>i know this is all too good too last. like the tan, it will fade. is already fading.
what is starting to creep in already is that “edge” to daily life in a big city. the permanent undercurrent of tension through the shoulders. the tinge of cynicism that pervades thought. the weight of annoyance with inept transportation, shrill television, and overpriced goods. i’ve had minimal contact with the “outside world” thus far, but even this limited interaction has caused my forehead to wrinkle again, my mouth to set in a pressed line.
after living without this cloud for six months, it’s disheartening to be aware of this damper pressing down on my spirit.
it’s not that there are no annoyances or irritations when travelling. but this is a different kind of mindset – a subtle hardening of the arteries which seems to be necessary to urban living. it is so omnipresent that it’s only noticable by its absence. a toughening of the skin that protects, but also numbs feeling.
i wish i could leave this shell behind, but i know i’d never survive long without it. it’s just been so nice to feel truly free for all this time. and that’s probably what i will miss most.
]]>Well, given that we’re off on our world tour in 2 days, pretty much anything I have to write about at this point is going to be about our trip! we continue to make the rounds of “goodbyes”, which is a little sad.
so, “jen’s den” will officially be on hiatus for the next 6 months. 
but – please come read about our adventures, check out our travel pictures, and send your well-wishes over at our travelog blog, “postcards from the edge”.
take bets on who gets the most exotic disease, where we’ll get lost, and which of us will be the first to file for divorce!
until then, surf the archives, be nice, and play fair.
see you in 24 weeks!
lots of love,
jen
like kerryn and tracey – who kept our “social calendar” on life support by continually asking us to do stuff, no matter how often we turned them down. by agreeing time and again to hang out with us, having a homemade dinner and watching a dvd on a saturday night, and calling it “entertainment”. By letting us invade their space with our luggage and live in their lounge these past two weeks. lending us their car. lending us their furniture. being more supportive than anyone has a right to ask their friends to be.
like my expat and other “traveller” friends, who have showed us how it’s done, shared their knowledge, shown genuine interest and excitement for us, and helped keep everything in perspective when it all just seemed too much to endure.
like the families. who have put aside their trepidation in order to be enthusiatic and excited cheerleaders. who have shown their caring and consideration in innumerable ways. who we will miss so very much, and who will think of us, worry about us while we are gone, and keep the homefires burning until we return safely.
thank you all. i cannot thank you enough. we could never have gotten this far alone.
and we will never be alone – for you are with us always.
]]>but also, i think i’m just feeling a bit unprepared. today is the first day since leaving work that we have no errands to run, and i feel like i should be *doing* something. what, exactly, i have no idea. what else do you do 7 days before you travel around the world? i’ve given myself the task of putting music on my ipod. a fascinating exercise – what was I *thinking* when I bought that janet jackson album??!
i don’t know – it’s difficult to know just how much i should be winging it. j made fun of me the other day, as i was re-organising my pack. i’m taking a 35 litre pack, which is only slightly larger than an oversized book bag. i deliberately chose something quite small to keep me from overpacking (and thus keep the number of instances where i chuck it off in tears and despair to a minimum.) but then i was asking him about travel towels (microfiber ultralight quicky-dry thingies) and he just laughed. i only have a single guidebook about china since that’s all i can carry at any one time, but am worried about not knowing enough about the other 12 countries. i know you learn as you go along, but surely i should have at least an *idea* of what I want to see? do i really want to get to laos without having a clue?
a few weeks ago, i wrote this in an email to a friend:
I’m finding myself surprisingly laissez faire about the whole thing. All I’ve really done so far is flick through an old Lonely PLanet on China. I suppose I’m bearing in mind that aside from the 2 or 3 things I really HAVE to see, I just want to *experience* it all. Y’know, I am convinced that the reason I was so blown away by Rome is because I didn’t even bother to open a guidebook before I got there. So I felt like my eyes were completely fresh to everything. I want that kind of experience. Some friends of our just got back from 6 months in S America… and I’m suddenly acutely aware of just how quickly this once-in-a-lifetime trip will pass.
i don’t know – i’m overthinking all this. where did that chilled out person go? i’ve done very well to remain relaxed and casual about the whole thing so far, but with the realisation that there’s a week left, i am starting to stress a little. j is overly relaxed – and that makes me a bit anxious as well.
but really, if i had to get on a plane tomorrow, i could. there’s nothing i need that i can’t buy on the road. nothing i have to do that couldn’t be done long distance if necessary. it’s a waiting game and i’m *looking* for things to worry about. sigh.
i’m practicing living out of my pack, which makes for some interesting hair days. i finally got a haircut the other day, as i’d not had one in more than 6 months whilst trying to grow it out. because unfortunately when i got it chopped last summer, it foolishly had not occurred to me that i would need to be able to pull it into a ponytail for the trip. hairstyles that you have to actually wash and “do” every day are very cute when you have your own bathroom and access to hot water, but aren’t really all that suitable when you don’t know where your next shower is coming from. when you have limited space, what’s the *one* single styling product you’d bring? I’m going with aveda wax. i have a feeling my bandannas are going to get a lot of use.
what about rain – do you bring an umbrella? or a waterproof jacket? do you really need a pack cover? will I be warm enough with just the fleece? or should I bring the wool cardigan that will be difficult to wash? do i spend £60 to get my malaria tablets here or wait and get them for cheap in bangkok? what if I have side effects?
see, these are the silly things i’m worried about. argh, i’m just in limbo and at loose ends – which doesn’t make for interesting blogging, so i’ll stop there.
]]>we booked two nights in a hostel for when we land in beijing. because i get really cranky when i’m jetlagged *and* homeless.
spent most of the non-hungover weekend working on the bare bones of the trip website (please note, now added in the menu above. not much to see there just yet, but soon…)
i’m starting to get a little anxious/nervous – but in a good way. you know, like when there’s something big and important and a little bit scary, but you can’t wait for it to get here? butterflies.
and i’m avoiding finishing the packing – we’re like 83% packed, and I just can’t bring myself to face the other 17%. but really, it has to be done very soon. 10% of the other 17% is sorting through miscellaneous papers and old bills (which must be saved for immigration purposes) and assorted crapola. gah. also, I have to find good homes for all my plants. anyone want a plant?
other than that, all’s quiet on the western front. sorry it’s not more exciting at the mo’, but I’ll try and make up for that.
]]>no turning back now, I guess.
Now I am just waiting for the angels of death to arrive.
]]>packing is such a bittersweet exercise. the unavoidable culling of personal detrius, sorting out one’s mementos and effects, and ranking their importance. What’s expendable, what’s not reflecting the shifting internal landscape.
i’ve moved 9 times since i left home after high school. i’ve left a trail of belongings like breadcrumbs through 4 cities, 3 countries. artefacts of the lives i used to lead, and my changing priorities. pieces of my old self shed like a skin. what i no longer needed or wanted or loved became junk. objects once infused with sentiment, now refuse.
and it’s a mundane process which drains them of their power – only time. the items i brought over in my suitcase when i first moved here to remind me of home, no longer carry that weight. home is no longer home. and when i revisit the items i left behind in basement boxes, they no longer seem so poignant. mementos less momentus. the attachment eases by degrees with the passing years.
but it’s tough, this paring down to the bare necessities. I’m a thrower by nature, but I’ve done this so many times now, that my instinct is to hold fast. i’m tired of discarding things because I have to. i want some stuff that is *mine*. things that feel like home. things that i keep just for the hell of it, just in case. i want the luxury of the non-essential.
nomadism isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
]]>Here’s what I bought this past two weeks:
j’s mp3 player… the creative zen micro photo. (which i will be holding ransom until he quits smoking!) lovely and flashy and not cheap. he better appreciate this…
a fleece for me, and some light comfy sneaker-shoes from clarks
a bevy of accessories for ivanka the ipod, including a camera connector, travel charger, and case. also, new camera memory cards, and usb card reader.
some lovely stuff from lush, including travel savvy stuff like solid shampoos and conditioners
and finally, my pack – an osprey atmos. top of the line, light as air, and friggen expensive. but hey, i have to carry it around for 6 months, so it’s an investment, right?
somehow all the pre-trip shopping preparation makes it seem even more real…
…it’s really real, right?
]]>- the red sox’s entire 2006 world series season (i can *feel* it!!)
- piper’s first birthday (and i know Kate will forgive me for putting this second!)
- summer in london
- vanessa’s new baby
- the world cup
- "friends"
- friends
- daily internet access
Things I will *not* miss whilst we’re away…
- the tube
- the tube during summer (!!)
- working for the council
- summer fashions in london
- the world cup insanity
- the tube
- thrice daily "friends"
- "big brother"
- daily internet access