exciting, informative, snarky, and very likely fabricated tales of life as an american expat in london

pulling a sickie

by Jen at 5:25 pm on 29.10.2010Comments Off
filed under: zeke the freak

so he hadn’t eaten all day – no kibble/wet food/treats/cat milk. i’ve never known Zeke to turn down a morsel of food in my life, and he was just so listless, and hiding under the bed (

i ring up to make an appointment with the vet for tomorrow, and they’re booked for tomorrow but have an opening for tonight. I figure it’s best not to let this go over the weekend, and take the slot.

we take him there in his crate. the vet pokes and prods him, checks his eyes, mouth, nose, ears, temperature, gait, belly, everything. says if we didn’t tell him he was ill, he would never know it. says we can do some more tests, or wait and see if he feels better. we go home, £30 lighter.

walk in the door, try to give him some food – and MIRACLE OF MIRACLES…. he’s suddenly eating.

the moral of the story: Zeke is a drama queen.

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it’s a good thing we don’t have kids

by Jen at 12:14 pm on 7.02.2010 | 2 Comments
filed under: photo, zeke the freak

sure, everyone has nicknames for their pets… but i like to think we put a little imagination into it.


teh kitteh
furry feline friend
peeping tom

…and on sunday mornings at 5:30am, an especially heartfelt “for-the-love-of-all-that-is-holy-and-good-shuddup-already!!!”

lucky for him he’s pretty cute.

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reason number 4309 why i love my husband

by Jen at 6:13 pm on 26.10.2009 | 2 Comments
filed under: now *that's* love, zeke the freak

i came home this evening and jonno summoned me to his computer – “come here, i’ve got to show you these!”

he spent his entire lunch hour looking at cats in halloween costumes. (he’s convinced we’re going to get zeke into a pumpkin outfit!)

bumble bee

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maru v. zeke

by Jen at 8:35 pm on 28.04.2009 | 1 Comment
filed under: eclectica, zeke the freak

i’m in love with maru the cat. mostly because he does all the same kinds of silly things zeke does, but that i can never seem to capture on camera.

here are a few classic maru videos.

zeke also likes to hop into the recycling container

or any empty box

and hide under the covers.

he’s not as cute as maru though )

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and i thought hairless cats were bred that way

by Jen at 5:33 pm on 23.04.2009Comments Off
filed under: now *that's* love, zeke the freak

jonno brings home a new set of electric clippers, starts taking them out of the box, testing them out.  he eyes up the cat.

jonno: “would you like to be a punk, zeke?”

zeke: *meow*

(i swear to god, they actually do “talk” to each other. funniest thing i’ve ever seen.)

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who needs babies when you have a cat?

by Jen at 9:21 pm on 26.01.2009 | 3 Comments
filed under: zeke the freak

came home from work today to find a wide swathe of cat puke… strewn all the way across the bed and soaked through the down duvet.

he’s still alive and mewling at me as i type.  i can only conclude that i must love this cat something awful.


cats are entertaining

by Jen at 10:06 pm on 9.12.2008 | 3 Comments
filed under: zeke the freak

zeke goes into his litterbox, scratches around for a while, then comes bounding out. he tears across the living room. turns around. he races back out into the hallway. he starts running again at the furthest point of the hallway, picks up velocity as he flies back into the living room, tries to slow as he begins to run out of space, scrabbling madly for purchase on the smooth floors…and smacks headfirst at speed into the wall.

pauses for a split second, shakes his head, and tears back out of the room.


wake me when this punishment is done

by Jen at 12:00 pm on 23.08.2008 | 1 Comment
filed under: photo, zeke the freak

as many grave concerns as i have about sharing my own personal information with officials, i have absolutely none when it comes to my cat.

zeke is officially on the matrix.

this is how he consoles himself after the indignity of being poked, prodded, vaccinated and microchipped – by incessantly licking the space where his jumblies used to be.


foo fighters – the one

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that’s what i get for trying to be too cute

by Jen at 2:09 pm on 2.07.2008 | 5 Comments
filed under: photo, zeke the freak

whenever we sit down to eat at the table, zeke will perch himself on another chair and intently sniff the wafting aromas coming from our plates, eyes wide, licking his lips. he sits there for the entire meal, *almost* begging, but not daring to touch the actual table with a paw.

today, i made myself some smoked salmon on a bagel. he was sitting next to me, sniffing, sniffing, sniffing… and i thought i’d take a photo.

apparently the temptation was just a little *too* much, the bagel just a little *too* close…


the reason this picture is so blurry is that before i had a chance to focus, he reached out and nipped the salmon off the bagel, and i found myself screaming, dropping my camera and chasing him as he dashed across the kitchen and dove under the living room chair with his delectable fishy bounty.

cheeky bugger… but i have only myself to blame!


the laws of attraction

by Jen at 7:50 pm on 17.06.2008 | 1 Comment
filed under: zeke the freak

i love my cat. it was my idea to get a cat, i asked permission from the landlord, i found zeke, i insisted we get zeke. j was happy enough to go along with my need for a cat, but never having lived with a cat before, he was somewhat indifferent to actually getting one.

i feed zeke, i take him to the vet, i take care of the litter, i buy him toys.

and so it’s only fitting that it should be jonno that zeke mews piteously for every time he walks out the door, jonno he follows slavishly from room to room. only fitting that it’s jonno he curls up with on the bed, jonno he plays with endlessly, jonno whose lap he climbs into in the evenings.

i hate to admit it but it’s true: my cat has made me jealous of my husband.

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cat bagpipes

by Jen at 7:15 pm on 31.05.2008Comments Off
filed under: zeke the freak

inspired by an engineer’s guide to cats,

jonno has taken to performing the “cat bagpipes” several times a day

(not the best example, as zeke is shy about performing on camera…)

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by Jen at 9:50 pm on 8.03.2008 | 4 Comments
filed under: zeke the freak

things which arrived in the post for zeke this week:

- 4 boxes premium cat litter (unavailable in regular pet stores)

- a new litter box

- a laser pointer toy

- a radiator bed for our bedroom (he already has one in the lounge)

y’know, when i write it all out like that, it *does* seem a little ridiculous…

though to be fair, the laser pointer is probably more for our entertainment than his


the damage done

by Jen at 6:23 pm on 15.02.2008 | 3 Comments
filed under: zeke the freak

::jonno goes to the shop:: *meow*

::jonno takes a shower:: *meow*

::jen leaves for work in the morning:: *meow*

i think we’ve given poor zeke serious abandonment issues.


sometimes it’s better if you don’t think about it

by Jen at 10:50 pm on 8.01.2008Comments Off
filed under: zeke the freak

j: your cat left a present for you in his litter box…

me: (unimpressed) oh he did, did he…

j: now he is using toilet paper…

me: (shoots him a puzzled look) toilet paper???

j: … a.k.a. *his tongue*

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he was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf

by Jen at 10:39 am on 24.12.2007 | 3 Comments
filed under: holidaze, photo, zeke the freak

yes, zeke has taken to curling up in cardboard boxes like a common hobo-cat… and yes, he has his own stocking

little silent Christmas tree
you are so little
you are more like a flower
who found you in the green forest
and were you very sorry to come away?
see i will comfort you
because you smell so sweetly
i will kiss your cool bark
and hug you safe and tight
just as your mother would,
only don’t be afraid
look the spangles
that sleep all the year in a dark box
dreaming of being taken out and allowed to shine,
the balls the chains red and gold the fluffy threads,
put up your little arms
and i’ll give them all to you to hold
every finger shall have its ring
and there won’t be a single place dark or unhappy
then when you’re quite dressed
you’ll stand in the window for everyone to see
and how they’ll stare!
oh but you’ll be very proud
and my little sister and i will take hands
and looking up at our beautiful tree
we’ll dance and sing
“Noel Noel”

“little tree” – e.e. cummings

the night before christmas (by clement clarke moore, read by harry humphrey)

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ode to zeke

by Jen at 12:26 pm on 2.12.2007 | 4 Comments
filed under: zeke the freak

just for fun. featuring zeke the gymmast, zeke the soccer player, zeke the porn star and zeke the fly-eater.


i suppose there are worse things to be strung out on

by Jen at 9:34 pm on 13.11.2007 | 2 Comments
filed under: zeke the freak

i think i’ve mentioned before how one of zeke’s favourite toys is a plain ball of foil. he will play with one for *hours*, batting it about, sliding around the floor after it like a madman – his fascination is endless.

j’s been buying a lot of tunnock’s caramel wafers lately, and balling up the wrapper for zeke to play with when he’s finished. which means the cat now comes running from anywhere in the flat when he hears the faintest crinkle of foil, eyes wide, like some kind of kitty-crackhead, just jonesing for his fix.

have i mentioned he also does this whenever we open the tray of the dvd player to put a disc in? flies into the room like a bat outta hell whenever the supersonic whirring of the tray mechanism starts up, then attempts to catch the tray as it’s coming out and going back in. once, he even went around the back of the tv stand, as if trying to see where it had gone.

oh – and he’s afraid of empty plastic milk bottles and jonno’s guitar, but *not* the hoover or my hair dryer.

our cat is such a freak.


green eyed monster

by Jen at 9:01 pm on 19.10.2007 | 2 Comments
filed under: zeke the freak

when we first got zeke, he was incredibly skittish. he came from a house with several other cats and three young kids, and i have the feeling he was on the receiving end of more torture than affection. he didn’t purr a lot, didn’t like being held and he wasn’t very cuddly. j, never having had cats before, didn’t mind this, so long as he was playful. me, i like my furballs cozy and doting, and was determined to teach zeke to enjoy snuggling. patiently, consistently, i lavished him with attention.

and then,while j was away visiting his family in south africa, zeke and i made a breakthrough – he curled up in my lap, something he’d never done before. suddenly, he turned into this loving lapcat, who voluntarily sought out a comfy place to chill and be petted or doze. it was so gratifying, and i was so proud of myself. when jonno came home, i showed him zeke’s new trick like a proud parent.

and since he’s been back, who’s lap do you think he’s been permanently attached to? j’s of course. i know it’s probably just because j has a bigger lap to stretch out in, and i know cats gravitate to the people who’re most indifferent towards them.

still, i can’t help but be jealous. this must be what dads feel like when their crying child runs to mommy instead of them for soothing. zeke is very much daddy’s boy.

it stinks.

ryan adams – gonna make you love me

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love means never having to say you’re sorry

by Jen at 2:24 am on 16.10.2007 | 4 Comments
filed under: now *that's* love, zeke the freak

j went out to celebrate a friend’s birthday this evening, while i stayed home feeling unwell. he swore up and down he was going to be home early, but sloshed his way home at 1 am full of mojitos.

j often gets unbelievably amiable when drunk – telling bad jokes, insisting on making cups of tea, etc. jonno also gets completely obsessed with the cat when drunk. i mean, won’t stop picking him up, trying to cuddle him, holding long one-sided conversations with him. it’d be really cute if it wasn’t so incredibly annoying, and i have to say, the cat didn’t like it much either… or at least that’s what i garnered from the fact he was trying to hide under my chair, and the strangled meows every time j squished him close to his chest, in a scene which called to mind the character lennie from “of mice and men”. the rspca would have been appalled.

i have a hunch someone will have a sore head in the morning.


oh, to live the life of a cat

by Jen at 9:20 pm on 26.09.2007Comments Off
filed under: zeke the freak


zeke, looking supremely content, bathing in the warm morning sun.

makes it incredibly hard to head out the door for the cold, harsh commute to work.

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imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

by Jen at 9:07 pm on 3.08.2007 | 3 Comments
filed under: now *that's* love, zeke the freak

this is zeke cleaning himself


this is jonno imitating zeke cleaning himself

(argh!! photo removed due to threat of marital row, though to be fair i *did* tell him i wouldn’t blog it. he really should know by now that i am a shameless liar…)

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