it’s such a strange feeling: to have something so big happen, and have so very little to say about it. in many ways, i feel very numb. i’ve expected something like this to happen since i moved here, and to find it finally happening before my very eyes feels almost anti-climactic. there’s a sense of “oh yeah, that’s what i thought.”

i’m not putting this very well.

instead, i think what i originally wrote about the madrid bombings is very poignant in hindsight, so i’ll just reprise it here:

I’m scared. I’m scared and so deeply deeply sad for the fathomless capacity of man’s inhumanity toward man. There no longer seem to be any limits to what we will do to each other, in a time when causing pervasive fear and random chaos has become the ultimate tool of any group with a political agenda or an axe to grind. In a climate where recognition and respect for an otherwise fringe cause is proportional to the size of the violence it can perpetrate.

it makes sense when you apply it to al qaida or eta or the ira. but try it on for size with bush and israel and zimbabwe, and see whether the shoe fits as well?

and I am so fcking *mad* with the u.s. we pay all sorts of lip service to wiping out global terrorism, and yet constantly, insistently perpetuate it through our actions, leaving people bewildered as to why our “war on terrorism” is so clearly *not working*, failing massively, in fact, and at a mind-numbing loss as for what other approach to take. we don’t know any other way of thinking about it.

i don’t know how to live in this kind of world. *no one* knows how to live in this kind of world. and that’s why the strategy of fear is so effective. that’s why walking down the street in a major metropolitan city feels like being at the center of a giant bullseye. that’s why daily goddamn news reports of suicide bombers and masses of civilians dying barely register a blip on our mental radar. that’s why it’s so hard to remember that we didn’t always have that small permanent gnawing knot at the pit of our collective stomach.

there’s got to be another way to live. it’s just a matter of how long it will take people to wake up and cry out for something more than *this*…

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