so i’ve spent most of today nursing a serious hangover – the kind of vivid pain which is meant to teach you a lesson about treating your body nicely, and not poisoning it with insane amounts of fruity alcohol. haven’t been truly drunk in a while, and now i remember why. fell (quite literally) into bed at 3am, and woke up in seriously sad shape about 6 hours later.

in any case, i have spent what little energy i have noodling around on the net listening to music and find fun playlist stuff (check it out at the sidebar) and through following a long winding series of links, ran across this artist named matisyahu, who does what he calls “Hasidic reggae”. i’m not making that up. he’s a lubavitcher jew from crown heights, brooklyn, and lists amongst his influences Bob Marley and Rabbi Shlomo Carlebach.

All of which would just be anecdotally funny, except that the man has some serious skills. have a listen here and you’ll see what I mean. he could be straight out of Kingston, Jamaica. he’s starting to attract attention, and for good reason.

And in the “it’s a small world” category, as i was reading about this guy, i notice the photos are by my photog friend seth kushner, who i knew back in nyc, and who used to use me and my ex for models, when he had particular stuff he needed for his porfolio. (i was a little more arsty-looking back then.) i’ve checked in on his work from time to time to see what stuff he’s doing, but this is the first time I’ve accidentally stumbled across it out in the public domain.

i think back to the kinds of things i used to do, and the person i was back then. it makes me sad – i’ve faded at the edges where caution and convention have crept in. i’ve lost my edge. and it’s happened to everyone i know, not just me. it’s the erosion that inevitably occurs with time and hurt and the weight of responsibility – erosion of that layer of fearlessness and bravado you used to wear as protective armor, and enabled you to be a wild and crazy as you wanted. and the thing is, you don’t even appreciate it while you have it. no one even tells you that it dissolves with tears.

i want her back. that girl was fun, she did wacky-and-sometimes-stupid things, but never stopped *doing*. i want to tell the people i meet now that i didn’t always used to be this boring, i used to have lots of interesting friends and we did interesting stuff, we did, really we did. i want to hold on to that girl that didn’t give a shit about houses or babies or fiscal responsibility. the one that danced and drank and did drugs and took dares and moved 3000 miles across the ocean just to see what was on the other side. she was *here* not so long ago. i know she was.

shout out if you see her. meanwhile, i’ll just be over here detoxing my liver.

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