exciting, informative, snarky, and very likely fabricated tales of life as an american expat in london

stagger and fall

by Jen at 7:25 pm on 7.03.2006 | 4 Comments
filed under: mutterings and musings, rant and rage

The thing that really makes me despair lately, the thing which makes me want to run far, far away and never come back, is not the misogynistic ban on abortion in south dakota, and it’s not the sickening homophobic protest at the funerals of soldiers. It’s not the fact that guantanamo detainees who have been deprived of their rights are being deported back to countries where they’re likely to be tortured or executed. It’s not that teenagers think it’s fun to beat up or torch homeless people. it’s not that our sports heros flout the laws for fame and fortune.

It’s what’s reflected in all of these instances, but explicitly addressed in none of them. it is the ever-present, ever-growing naked hostility towards our fellow humans. it’s the undercurrent of a country which is quickly and constantly becoming more divisive and more embattled within its own borders. it’s the anger which runs through the headlines every day, and the fear which hides behind our locked doors. it’s the threat which is implicit in the lines we draw in the sand, and the myopia of our blinded world view. it’s the selfish narcissism and rampant cynicism that shine through our professed values. it’s in the bitter taste of all the politicians lies, and in the knee-jerk reflex of the pundits that pander to them. it’s more pervasive than violence, and more devastating than poverty or lack of education. it is more soul shattering than any one act committed against our country, or by our country.

it’s the slow, sure, torturous death of compassion and understanding. the arteries have hardened. the bell tolls. we’re becoming heartless. as hollow as the statue in new york harbour.

from an outsider’s perspective, it’s blindingly obvious. it’s staggering to sit back and observe from afar the amount of energy and hatred and money invested in shouting back and forth at each other across the issues. it’s mind-numbing to watch the drooling apathy of the public who tune out and turn off because they just can’t stomach any more bad news. it’s painful to watch the backbiting and posturing and blustering that’s broadcast to the world at large, in deliberate and willful ignorance of the impact it has. it is unbelievable to witness the regression of an entire country to imitating a time of cold war and oppression and fear-mongering and religious fervor and callow bravado. didn’t we already get enough of that? haven’t we learned our lessons?

how did we get to this place? how have we become so entrenched in our own sense of righteousness, both individually and collectively, that we cannot extend ourselves towards others? when did we lose our sense of expansiveness? when did our caring end at own front door? when did we become so *hard*?

i can’t identify anymore. i think many people feel lost, and there is anger underneath that sense of sadness. dreams have soured, and no one seems to know how to make it right. i think people are mad at losing the dream. but it’s only wild speculation on my part. i have no real theories, only observations. perhaps this is a transitory phase, much like the unrest of the sixties and seventies. maybe we need some national catharsis. maybe it’s in the swing of the pendulum. maybe we’ll come out better on the other side of it. i can only hope.

because it really can’t get much worse.

4 Comments »

4 Comments

  • 1

    Comment by Tillerman

    7.03.2006 @ 20:01 pm

    I sincerely hope it’s a transitory thing. The USA was founded on principles of toleration and openness (OK – as long as you weren’t a slave) and in the 60s and 70s it seemed we might be headed down a positive path. We need some new leaders to lead us back to the country we originally aspired to be.

  • 2

    Comment by Jen

    7.03.2006 @ 20:04 pm

    god I hope you’re right!

  • 3

    Comment by ed bremson

    9.03.2006 @ 00:45 am

    I wish there were more people like you who care deeply and think deeply about important things.

  • 4

    Comment by victoria

    10.03.2006 @ 21:12 pm

    Very well said. For my own part, I am feeling increasingly paralyzed to act, precisely because there is such a dizzying array of fronts upon which action is screamingly necessary. I end up writing for hours on this travesty or that one or whatever, wondering if my efforts amount to little more than preaching to some nebulous, barely existent choir.

    And in the meantime, I am getting almost nothing else done. Really, in practical terms right now, my life is in open-throttle disaster mode. It’s just that while I’m in this particular hell-bound handbasket, I’m narrating a few random segments from the journey: issues that arise with such overpowering force, blotting out my ability to focus on anything else, until I have written about them. Really, it’s more exorcism that goes on in my writing than “creation” as such.

    So, don’t ask me why I find your post inspiring. By all rights, it should only increase my anxiety. (For example, I had no idea about the homophobic protests at soldiers’ funerals. Holy crap.)

    But, for whatever reason, I take comfort in knowing it isn’t just me, feeling so excruciatingly overwhelmed. Which in turn, eases the ‘overwhelm’ state, to some extent.

    So perhaps I can talk myself out of this hole of despair (while listening to the echoes of sisters and a few brothers who may be equally despairing), and return to some state of empowerment. (If I can remember what that state feels like.)

    And perhaps you can derive some comfort, grace, power, etc. – knowing what strength your own words have managed to impart.

    Thank you for your words.

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