this has been the work week that just will not quit. my work environment is so crazy-making that i have had to keep myself from saying a few very choice, very unprofessional, very unwise things at several points these past few days. my back is in knots and my tongue is bitten clean through. and it’s only wednesday.

i am usually very good about not “bringing work home” – in my past life as a care management supervisor, i had to learn to block stuff out of my head when i walked out the door, otherwise it was the kind of job you could stress about 24/7. and i realise i am once again breaking one of my cardinal blogging rules, (namely not blogging about my workplace), which in and of itself is rather ill-advised.

i think i’ve just been so burned out and so overburdened and so frustrated for so long now, that it’s all coming to a head. i no longer care about being diplomatic. i no longer care if i get sacked. and i no longer care if anyone knows that i no longer care. we are currently going through a mini-restructuring in my department, and i have been fervently praying to be made redundant – that’s how bad it is.

i try not to burden j or my friends with my moaning – after all, it’s a bit unfair considering the only person with the power to change my situation is me. if i feel trapped and run into the ground and saddled with enough anxiety to give me a stomach ulcer the size of a moon crater… well, then, i need to do something about that. but j walked through the door and i just unloaded on him – i couldn’t help myself. i needed to get it out someplace safe, with someone who can listen and make sympathetic noises and tell me it will be okay. someone i can depend on to be there if i lose my cool and walk out in resignation. my safety net, my sanity net. this is one of the things i love most about j – he’s always in my corner.

so i’m home now. i’ve got a bottle of wine and a promise of a back rub and a warm cat on my lap – all is right with the world. for right now.

tomorrow’s another day.

eta: i’m also very cross now because my “on demand” date with ewan macgregor and charlie boorman is postponed. apparently you need 8 different levels of security clearance to use the bloody “on demand” function and virgin media (as usual) cannot manage to get even the simplest thing right. activating our pin will require “second level support”, for which we will need to wait 24-48 hours. grrrrrrrrrrrr.

hey mercedes – quit

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