what makes us happy?

i’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. there have been a spate of books out recently on this topic, none of which i’ve read. i suppose i prefer to think that one of the beauties of the universe is that the answer to the question is unique to each of us, and can’t be captured in a self-help book. and as we are ever-changing creatures, our answer also changes – happiness is not a state of being which can be captured and frozen.

still for me, one of the things i’ve learned about myself and my own search for that elusive goal, is that i far more often regret those things which i did not do, than those things which i have done. yes, i’ve often made mistakes… but those things which cause me to lie awake wrestling with a knot of doubt in the middle of the night, those things i most wish i had the chance to do over, are the paths i didn’t take and the opportunities i let pass me by because of indecision or fear.

i rarely say, “i wish i hadn’t…” and instead find myself thinking, “i wish i had…”

for the past few months, my current employment status has caused me no small amount of misery and drama. i’ve been so desperately *unhappy* for so long. and so i’ve been searching for a way to change my circumstances and create my own opportunities. i’ve done so with a heavy heart – because really, if not for the ineptitude of my manager, i would really enjoy my work.

but life is far too short to spend 8 hours a day being unhappy.

and as fate would have it, two improbable situations have presented themselves to me this week: one, a lateral job opportunity where i could leave my current employer and start something new (allowing me to get back into management, with a boss who really seems to want to hire me badly, but not a strategic role); and two, a strong indication from my current employer that if i can be patient through the summer, that there may be the opportunity for a new role for me (a strategic role and a promotion, but no guarantees).

one is my current escape route – the bird in the hand. the other could potentially be my ideal job, but isn’t a certainty – the two in the bush.

so how does one decide? i’ve been going back and forth over this, agonising over it really, for more than two weeks now. with my happiness at stake, it seems like such an important crossroads. do i take the sure thing, or hold out for something which may never materialise? do i take the job that has made it clear they want me, or the one where my value has so often gone unnoticed, but may soon be rewarded? change now, or sit tight? which would make me happier, in the long run? can you put a monetary value on happiness? can security make you happy?

i have to figure it all out, very soon.

and while i haven’t decided for sure, i can only wonder if i wouldn’t more regret *not* taking on the new challenge – if it would become one of those opportunities i find myself reflecting back on later, thinking, “i wish i had…”

so what makes us happy? what makes me happy? i’m still not sure. i only know that when i find something that does, it’s well worth whatever hard decisions it took to get there.

in an entirely different vein, this made me pretty happy this evening: i managed to achieve (if only for a brief second or two) this pose

and for jonno: the arrival (finally!!) of his new electric guitar seems to have made him pretty happy.

the acorn – do you not yearn, at all?

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