the “r” word
“you’re such a retard”
“that’s so retarded”
i hear these phrases, this word, bandied about so very often, as if it’s just another turn of phrase for “stupid”. people tell me they don’t mean anything by it, as if the lack of ill intention means it doesn’t cause people pain. as if using “retarded” as an insult is a victimless crime.
it’s only seen as victimless because the people who are most harmed by it are often the ones least able to speak out against it. using “retarded” as a synonym for stupid/useless/backward/wierd is, by inference, equating people who have a diagnosis of mental retardation with all of the above.
for every individual with learning disabilities, there is a different level of intellectual impairment. the flip side of that, is that every individual also has a unique set of skills and abilities – just like everyone else. we spend so much time focusing on the differences of people with disabilities, that we overlook the ways in which we are all alike. using the “r” word is a mark of disdain, of degradation, of setting someone apart as a lesser person, someone less deserving of respect – someone not like everyone else.
people with learning disabilities face enough obstacles for full and valued acceptance in our society – perpetuating hurtful language and stereotypes only compounds these.
i’ve worked with people with learning disabilities for 17 years now – as someone who advocates on behalf of people with learning disabilities, i try wherever possible to challenge people when they use the “r” word. at the same time, i know that as just one person, i won’t change a world where people are too lazy to find other, less offensive ways of speaking. people who say it’s just “political correctness gone mad”. but whether i say anything or not, i notice and i cringe – i notice every time. it doesn’t have to be me you’re insulting for me to be offended.
our language reflects our thoughts and attitudes. we need to stop and think whether using the “r” word is really what we want to say about not only others, but about ourselves.
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Comment by Thomas Foolery
21.05.2009 @ 19:51 pm
You may not like people calling this “politial correctness”, but at least be honest with yourself that that’s what it is.
This particular type of political correctness is typified by an unusual focus on what everything is *called*, and an unattractive self-righteous predilection for finger-wagging at everyone else’s use of language.
The problem is that approved language is always evolving. You’ll probably look back at this post in a few years and cringe at *yourself* for using the word ‘disability’ (they’re just differently-abled, as you say).
As an idiot, I’m personally offended at your derogatory use of the word ’stupid’, equating me with useless, weird people.
Comment by Jen
21.05.2009 @ 20:29 pm
when words come with the same kind of *grossly discriminatory* stigma that “retarded” does, i don’t think that asking people to consider their usage of it a simple matter of “political correctness”, nor do i consider doing so “self-righteous finger wagging”.
because when the word in question has historically been used as a way of stripping someone of basic dignity, and is loaded with connotations of being *sub-human*… well, i consider that a matter of civil rights.
simple respect shouldn’t be dependent on your i.q. score – in the here and now, deliberately continuing to use words that people have said they find hurtful is just cruel. so people can feel free to be as “un-p.c.” as they like, but they shouldn’t then be surprised if i think they’re an asshole for doing so.
Comment by Noble Savage
22.05.2009 @ 09:58 am
If “political correctness” is treating people with the respect and dignity they deserve then I’m 100% for it and fail to see why so many people sneer at this concept. Obviously these are people so privileged that they feel within their rights to call the shots on what is and isn’t offensive.
I agree with you completely about this particular word, Jen. It’s ugly.
Comment by Thomas Foolery
22.05.2009 @ 12:56 pm
NS, you’ve got it backwards. This sort of political correctness equates to giving *yourself* the right to call the shots on “what is and isn’t offensive” as the self-appointed guardian of someone else’s feelings. Go ahead and feel good about yourself for treating disadvantaged people with respect, but that’s different than running others down (”so privileged”) because they don’t meet your PC standards.
Like many out-of-fashion words, “retarded” used to be a functional, descriptive word — until someone decided it had become an offensive insult. Like ‘cripple’. Like ‘handicap’. Like ‘colored’.
Maybe when people use an unapproved word, or use an acceptable word in a forbidden way, it’s not because they’re lazy or an asshole: perhaps it’s because they’re just not up to speed on today’s version of the PC dictionary, or because they think excessive political correctness is a kind of intellectual tyranny.
Comment by Jen
22.05.2009 @ 15:53 pm
calling it “intellectual tyranny” is laughable – the word “retard” is not some noble principle being fought for. it’s a code way of saying you can’t be bothered simply honouring people’s express wishes. (contrary to this notion that others have just taken this upon themselves as independent arbiters of correctness, it’s actually what people with disabilities have *said* they want.) because when people use such language in genuine ignorance, but they actually care about not hurting other’s feelings, then they’re happy to try to change.
it’s only people who feel some sort of need to rebel against the *concept* of “p.c.”, rather than the actual *practice* of just using more sensitive language, (because is it really any skin of your nose to stop saying “retarded”? i submit that it’s not), that seem to fight so hard. that’s when i have to ask: why is hanging on to the word “retard” so important to you, when it clearly causes pain for others? thus my logical conclusion of asshole-ness.
Comment by Thomas Foolery
22.05.2009 @ 16:46 pm
You’re missing my point. I’m not extolling the virtues of the word ‘retard’ (Latin: retard?re (“to retard”), from re- + tardus (“slow”), now pronounced “ugly” by ns).
I’m objecting to being told what I should and should not be allowed to say (without being called names like ‘lazy’ and ‘asshole’ by people who think they know better). Go ahead and tell me some other thing I shouldn’t say, and I’ll give you the same answer.
You laugh at my characterization of this as ‘intellectual tyranny’? I think you’ve already read this, but I personally think you should read it again:
http://www.paulgraham.com/say.html
Gimp, cripple, invalid, disabled, handicapped, special: all words that well-meaning people have used to describe physical problems, and that subsequently went out of fashion because someone decided they had negative connotations and told us not to say them anymore. So we end up with embarassingly awkward phrases like “differently abled”, and I guarantee you, someone someday will come along and tell you that’s insensitive.
Comment by Thomas Foolery
22.05.2009 @ 16:47 pm
oh my, I’m being moderated.
Comment by Jen
22.05.2009 @ 17:09 pm
all comments with links get modded automatically. don’t get your knickers in a twist.
no one is telling you what you are “allowed” to say – i believe in a right to absolute free speech, as you well know. but that doesn’t in any way mean we should throw words around with impunity as if they don’t cause harm, because that’s just playing dumb. you can’t acknowledge on the one hand that language is powerful, and on the other hand claim you’re not responsible for anyone else’s feelings when you say things that hurt.
you have the right to say whatever you like, but i also have a right to make judgements about your character based on what you say. simple. the same way i’m sure you (and others) make judgements about me based on the phrases i used here.
this isn’t about being “well meaning” or thinking i know better. this is responding to an explicit request by a community of people who are hurt by the word, for very real reasons. deliberately defying that request doesn’t make you some principled defender of free speech, no matter what kind of arguments you wrap it up in – to my mind it just makes you look like a jerk.
Comment by Thomas Foolery
22.05.2009 @ 17:42 pm
Knickers are by no means twisted. I enjoy a debate.
BTW Any declaration of support for (absolute!) free speech shouldn’t continue with the word ‘but’ or talk of impunity (vs. punishment?)
That website you linked in your post talks about ‘eliminating’ the derogatory use of the word from everyday speech. Eeesh, that phrase makes my skin crawl.
I’m sure you don’t think I, or the people you’ve confronted about this, go about saying “hey retard!” to mentally deficient people. This discussion is absolutely about principles, and furthermore it’s *your* sensitivities we’re talking about here, not the feelings of retarded people. And I know that you’re just as capable as I am of browbeating people, so that might explain peoples’ defensiveness when you confront them about their mental habits.
Anyway, I’ve now been called (if only by implication) ‘lazy’, an ‘idiot’, someone ’so privileged’ who ’sneers’, an ‘asshole’, and now a ‘jerk’ so I’m signing off!
[ OK, so I was the one who called me an idiot ]
Comment by Thomas Foolery
22.05.2009 @ 18:47 pm
oops my last one disappeared, no link this time
Comment by Jen
22.05.2009 @ 20:02 pm
(swear words also get automatically modded by the spam plugin. the spam i get that comes with with word “asshole” in it… well, i’ll leave that to your imagination.)
sorry, man – you’re way off base. we have the right to say a lot of things – that doesn’t mean we should. i never implied any “punishment”, nor have i said you aren’t absolutely free to say whatever you like. i have said that when you deliberately decide to use words like “retard” (or “nigger”, or “polack” or whatever) to spite/hurt people on principle, it *does* carry consequences (as all language does). those consequences are that some people will judge you, based on the words you use, to be a jerk. fact a) you know that using those words hurts people, and fact b) you choose to do it anyway. dress it up in all the principles you want, but that’s what it boils down to. so if it really bothers you that people think that…
i’m not sure why you persist in saying this has anything to do with my sensitivities – perhaps it’s a clever attempt at deflecting the truth, which is (as i’ve said before, and as you can see from the website) that people with learning disabilities have asked people to stop using that word. hell, no need to take my word for it, just ask anyone with LD yourself and they’ll tell you – it’s actually pretty important to them, for a lot of reasons.
and no one i’ve ever mentioned this to in real life, has ever gotten defensive, believe it or not. maybe that’s because i don’t *have* to berate, harangue, or browbeat anyone. i just say, “hey, c’mon, that’s not a nice word to use” – usually they just say sorry and move on. i have yet to meet anyone who demands the right to continue to be as un-p.c. as they want. maybe they just wait until i’m not around any more and continue to fling “retard” around with abandon.
or… maybe they don’t.
Comment by Ali
23.05.2009 @ 21:45 pm
…couldn´t agree more!
Comment by Sarah
23.05.2009 @ 23:54 pm
This year we had a person from the Center for the Prevention of Hate Violence speak to our middle school this year. She opened her talk by saying that hundreds are weapons are brought into our school every day. Everyone in my cozy little private school looked around, thinking she was crazy.
But the reality is that words can be used as weapons. They can be used to hurt, diminish, and scar people just like ‘real’ weapons can be used to damage people. I don’t think it’s a matter of being PC, I think it’s a matter of looking at *how* people use the words.
I think TF has a point, though. I do get tired of the terms deemed ‘correct’ constantly being changed, and yes I think it’s not really coming from the group of people who are being named/described, but from the condescending “look at me, I feel your pain and I’ll fight for you” attitude of people who don’t have to suffer the slings and arrows of standing out from the norm of society. Years ago I work in a camp for adults who were mentally disabled. Then I went to work for a nonprofit for those with developmental disabilities. My summer job is with people who are cognitively delayed. Now people tune out when I describe the population I work with because the words have become so watered down and indirect, thanks to the PC movement, that only individuals working within the field really know what I’m on about. Furthermore, I get the sense that people are so afraid of ‘tripping up’ and saying the ‘wrong’ word that they avoid saying it all together. This doesn’t help with the a longstanding goal of understanding and acceptance with this community when people are so afraid of saying the wrong thing that they avoid it all together.
Still, I wince when I hear the word “retard”. I think it goes with “nigger” and “kike” and “spic” as words that are so grossly offensive, and have such a terrible history in how they were used to belittle people, that people should be called out when using them. I’m just not sure where the line is in terms of offensive words.