happy mother’s day
for all the wonderful mothers i know, but most especially the ones i’m lucky enough to have in my family. happy mother’s day.
exciting, informative, snarky, and very likely fabricated tales of life as an american expat in london
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my favourite ouch
amity just texted me to tell me my favourite movie, E.T. is on television. which is rather apt because i just got off the phone with my sister.
Back in 1982 when I was 9 and my sister was 4, my parents took us on a cross-country camping trip for our summer holiday. We went camping for 3 months, from Massachusetts to California and back. And while as an adult, I am ever-so-grateful to have had that experience, at the time, I was pretty annoyed – as any nine year old who had to spend the summer doing “educational” things would be.
So then, we got back from camping, and went back to class in the autumn, my friends were all asking, “Have you seen E.T., have you seen E.T.??!!” Because seeing E.T. was apparently *the* only important thing to do that summer, and it was one of the first summer blockbusters ever. I, being stuck in a tent for 12 weeks, had missed out on THE seminal cultural experience for my peergroup.
And since videos didn’t even really catch on for several more years, I didn’t actually see it until I was about 15. My sister and I finally saw it for the first time together… and, being 10, she cried. And I just can’t bear seeing her upset, I’ve never been able to stand seeing her in pain – when my little sister cries, I cry reflexively. So I cried, she cried more, which made me cry even harder…
She and I continue to cry every time we see it, in a kind of unspoken empathic response – much like the one that exists between elliot and e.t. in the movie. When it was re-released in 2002 for the 20th anniversary, we went to the movie theatre together to watch it on the big screen for the very first time. Within minutes of the opening credits, at the scene where E.T. gets left behind by his spaceship, I glanced over and saw her chin beginning to tremble in the darkness, and that was it – we both ended up sobbing our way through the entire movie.
And since my move to the UK, it has become a kind of symbollic metaphor for our relationship – my needing to leave, her wanting me to stay, the bond that exists at the core of us making parting deeply painful, but our lives inexorably drawing us in different directions. she is my elliot, and i am her e.t. and just as in the climactic scene of the movie, when e.t. says “come”, and elliot says “stay”, no matter how far away i may go, i need only remind her that “i’ll be right here”.
And that’s why I love E.T., and why i can’t help but cry every time i see it – as I am doing now. because my sister is so very important to me, and because it always makes me think of how very much I love (and miss) my sister.
happy day
congratulations to my brother and newest member of the crazy ragtag collection that we call “family”… his fiancee! dave and ave are engaged to be married – aren’t they the cutest? ave’s been rather like a fourth sister for a while now, so it’s nice to make it official.
couldn’t happen to two better people 
sending all our love and big kisses across the ocean,
j & j
strangers no more
met yet another interesting person from the interwebs today – amity and i hooked up for a sunday brunch with amy, whom we first became acquainted with via an expats forum we belong to.
this is the fascinating bit about the internet – it would be all too easy to allow electronic interaction to substitute for real world experience, to hide behind the anonymity or the computer, to retreat to the safety of carefully considered words and managed, crafted persona. but technology is at its best when it enables you to enrich your actual life and relationships – allows you to expand your boundaries and worldview by meeting people you might never have otherwise had the chance to meet, because the physical limitations of geography and time no longer apply.
it’s a point that’s been driven home time and again for me, and reinforced once more this afternoon – the internet is a wonderful place. it was great to meet you amy!
why i have the best sister ever
woke up this morning to a knock on the door from the postman and this beautiful parcel:
i am so lucky to have such a thoughtful sister.
saying goodbye
i hadn’t seen my grandfather in probably 6 years, though i couldn’t actually pinpoint it. the last time i saw him was likely a christmas celebration, where i probably gave him a pair of warm slippers, or a thick flannel shirt – the kind of comforts that used to matter to him after his wife of 50 years had died, when the cold went a bit deeper, began to get through to his bones.
as i was growing up, my grandfather was never a very demonstrative man. he had been raised in a household of famous british reserve and stiff upper lips, and while we knew he loved us, it was my warm, bosomy grandmother who was full of perfumed soft hugs and kisses for the grandkids. my grandparents had moved from massachusetts to west virginia, travelled often, and were the independent sort of retirees who toured around the country in their custom rv, so we didn’t see them more than once or twice a year.
then my grandmother died. and suddenly, the importance of family was set out in stark relief for my grandfather. old grudges with his sons were forgiven. he started calling to talk, and saying “i love you” a lot. he began coming up for holidays and birthdays, alternating visits between his three children. grandpa became a fixture in our lives the way he never had been when we were children, with his endless war stories, his everpresent flask of whisky, his long distance van rides up and down the coast, driving 14 hours at a stretch well into his 80s.
no one was quite sure when the alzheimer’s first made itself known to my grandfather, because he hid it from the rest of us for a very long time. my grandfather spent his life as a private pilot and chemical engineer, a man of formulas and numbers – a man as proud of his intellect and independence as he was of his full head of thick dark hair. a smart man, who was, it turns out, extremely adept at covering for his loss of memory. dates, places, and names began to elude him, but it was only when he stopped paying his bills and began dissembling electrical fixtures looking for spy cameras, that it became apparent something was really wrong. that was four years ago.
since then, there has been a long, drawn out battle to get him into a nursing home. a battle which culminated in his being found by the police on the manicured grounds of the museum of fine art, late at night, scared and disoriented. a battle where he fought to retain his dignity and independence, and his family fought to have him declared incompetent. a battle for the remaining threads of his pride at the expense of his health and safety. a battle fought tooth and nail. a battle my grandfather could not win.
i spent the day with him today. we picked him up from his home – a “good” nursing home, but depressing and institutional and a place where people go to die all the same. we drove to a diner, had club sandwiches and chocolate milk for lunch. my grandfather was fairly lucid, and we talked about his routines, his roommate, his newfound interest in singing with the music group. as we drove through the city he once knew so well, he spoke of the houses he grew up in, the routes he used to drive to and from work, his anger at no longer having a car of his own. we went to the marina and had ice cream on the boardwalk, sitting in the sun, overlooking the boats, and my grandfather reminisced about what it used to look like when that area was only swampland and a small landing strip. as he sat eating his strawberry ice cream, wearing his heavy vest on a warm late summer day, his papery skin crinkling at the folds of his face, his eyes milky and damp, he spoke of wanting to buy a boat and sail the world. i asked him sail over and visit me in england.
i understand his desire to escape.
my grandfather is 90. i know, dropping him back at the nursing home, hugging his frail bones gently and kissing his dry cheek, that i may have said goodbye for the last time. or maybe i already did, when i last saw him 6 years ago – i just didn’t know it at the time.
i don’t know how you reconcile that within yourself. if anyone ever does.
lost
my sister’s harley cat has been missing since monday evening. there are coyotes in the neighbourhood. please think a good thought for his safe return home. we all love him and miss him and are very worried.
she’s got moxie
it was just a weekend full of visitors as my friend stacey came through town on sunday. we spent the day hanging out in central london, including a wander through covent garden. i mostly try to avoid any potential tourist areas during the summer, but i’m so glad we threw caution to the wind and went anyway, because it lead to two amazing discoveries.
first, i finally found the cybercandy store. i’ve known of its existence for a while, but never remembered to look up the address when i was planning to be in the area, or managed to find it just by chance. stacey, however, showed me the way, and oh. my. god. if there is such a thing as a candy-induced orgasm, then that’s exactly what i had. they had favourites i hadn’t seen since childhood, candies i wasn’t even sure they made any more. clark bars, chuckles, good-n-plenty, jolly rancher sticks, nik-l-nips, sky bars, pop rocks, and even the incredibly elusive, thoroughly new england moxie. they also had some of my favourites from other countries – like the delicious cherry ripes, violet crumbles, and snifters from australia/new zealand, or the choco-bananas, alterna-kit-kats and pocky that j and i became addicted to during our travels through asia. it was pure, unadulterated, sugar-coated, sticky bliss. i barely made it out of the store with my credit card intact.
the second fabulous discovery of the day was a new mexican restaurant called wahaca. i’d read a review in one of the papers, and knew it was in the covent garden area, but it took ringing stacey’s husband and having him research it online to find the place. and it was soooo worth it.
good mexican food is a rarity on this little island, with the disappointments and “wtf?”s far outweighing the pleasant “mexican” dining experiences to be had. the best one can usually hope for is a reasonable facsimile of something tex-mex-ish and a margarita that at least has lime in it, (i was once served, in all seriousness, a double shot of tequila on ice as a margarita), so we weren’t expecting much. we ordered mexican tapas-like “street food”, tortillas with guac, and margaritas for our late lunch. and what a pleasant surprise! the food was flavourful and fresh and even pretty authentic. the sauces were balanced with just the right amount of heat, the guacamole had no cream in it, just chunky avo, tomato, onion and a hint of cilantro. and the margarita… all i can say is i had resigned myself to throwing £5 down the drain when i ordered it, but it was easily the best margarita i’ve had in the u.k. – and better than many i’ve had in the states. liquid gold it was, and we savoured every last drop. to top it off, it was all very reasonably priced (can you say free tortilla chip refills?) the only niggle was the service, which could’ve been much better (er, like bringing the appetizers and drinks *before* the food, not 10 minutes after). and even with that, it was a veritable gem of a find.
a few photos of the day w/ stacey.
i need you when you listen to me
some days i just miss my friends back in the u.s. so terribly.
alex and mike came through london this weekend, so last night j and i went to hang out with them at their hotel. we feasted on indian food, then, after the kids were in bed, sucked down several bottles of wine and just talked. and talked and talked. we talked about travelling and politics and second-vs.-third wave feminism and city culture and school systems and chavez and punishment-vs.-rehabilitation.
and it’s not so much that we had great conversation – it’s that they’re the kind of friends where great conversation is effortless. where there’s that intangible connection that comes from being on the same wavelength. where deep affection springs from shared perspective and understanding. get-togethers with them are like a really great date, where you find yourself wanting to be around them more often.
they’re intelligent, adventurous, socially conscious, politically liberal, hilariously funny, and endearingly self-deprecating. they also happen to have two of the most precocious and genuinely engaging kids i know. alex and i took them to the natural history museum today and they were just so cool.
i love ‘em to bits and wish they weren’t a continent away.
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lost in the new forest
lovely weekend camping in the new forest with chris, tonia, (and jude!), kerryn and tracey. after a really crap week, i was looking forward to this mini-getaway.
it didn’t get off to the most auspicious start, however, when we didn’t end up leaving on friday evening as planned. making the most of a bad situation, however, we went to the cinema to see “transformers” which (aside from grossly oversexualising the teenage female lead and being an unapologetically pro-military propaganda piece) was a delightfully engaging and enjoyable piece of fluff.
early saturday morning we headed down and met up with chris and ton, who’d arrived the night before, just in time for a big brunch barbeque and the marginally appropriate cocktail hour of eleven. we stuffed ourselves silly, took a short rest, and decided to head into the forest for a brisk constitutional.
and, in spite of the fact that the new forest is fully pathed, signposted, and the size of a large postage stamp, we got lost. probably the only people in the history of the new forest to ever achieve such an ignominious accomplishment. we wandered for three and a half hours – at first content merely to meander, after an hour or two mildly wondering when we would emerge someplace recognisable, and finally trudging along on the brink of hysteria until we stumbled across some hikers with a map.
finally, blissfully, we popped out in the village of brockenhurst where we immediately sought refuge in a pub. rehydrated and refreshed, we headed off again, and eventually dragged ourselves back to the campsite at dusk, a full 7 hours later, only to discover the wild donkeys had attempted to break into our tents in our absence. as the sun dropped, so did the temperature, until we were shivering with the chill, but we bundled up and sat by the fire, drinking beers and craning our necks to watch the early part of the meteor showers.
we were awakened this morning to the pre-dawn cry of “moo cows!” by the early-rising jude, and breakfasted on tea, rusks and muffins. as we were rousing ourselves, however, the sky darken and began to rain, necessitating an early pack-up and departure. instead, we headed for the nearby coast, where we strolled on the beach, walked out to hurst castle, and lounged in the sunlight, catching the ferry back to our cars, where we piled in and headed home.
a weekend full of unexpectedly delightful surprises. more photos here.
hope you make a lot of nice friends out there
went to a birthday party for amity this saturday.
went to dinner at nicole’s this sunday.
the connection? i originally got to know both of them through the internets. as i did with my friends andy and stacey.
if you’d told me ten years ago that i would have a whole group of friends that i got to know via computer before i ever met them in real life, i would never have believed it.
and you know, it only sounded a *little* bit weird explaining it to people this weekend…
it’s a wild world we live in, this 21st century.
bad religion – 21st century digital boy
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the noble savage strikes out on her own
been helping my friend amity for the past few days make the giant leap from blogger to wordpress. it’s not been without its growing pains and poor amity has had a pretty steep learning curve, but the rough structure is there for her to play around with and make it truly her own. there’s something incredibly freeing and creative about doing your own thing that’s very rewarding.
welcome to the weird and wonderful world of wordpress, amity!
go on over there and tell her how fantastic it is 
three hundred and sixty five days under the belt
happy first anniversary to kerry and tracey!
anniversaries, like weddings, aren’t important in the grand scheme of things… but it’s a nice excuse to celebrate anyway 
wishing you happiness on the first of a lifetime of yearly celebrations,
love
jen and jonno
may is a big birthday month
my mother turns 60 this year. she taught me everything i know about being a strong, self-sufficient woman – and for that, i owe her everything. she’s been the best mother i could ever have hoped for – loving, constant, giving.
and i know she still has so much more to teach me. happy birthday mum.
beth orton – someone’s daughter
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for the mamas
happy mother’s day. thanks for being such wonderful mothers in our family. i love you all.
the pretenders – every mother’s son
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j hits the big 3-0
happy birthday, baby.
here’s a photo from your birthday last year – yep, the day that i completely forgot.
i didn’t forget this year
i adore you. wishing you much love and joy for the coming year.
always yours,
j
(because i know you love it…)
howie day – she says
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