exciting, informative, snarky, and very likely fabricated tales of life as an american expat in london

the pain’s starting to slip away, hey hey

by Jen at 9:33 am on 4.08.2008 | 4 Comments
filed under: mundane mayhem

so my “routine” surgery turned out to be a little less than routine.

the surgery itself went fine friday morning, and all the doctors and nurses were really nice and very attentive and kind. unfortunately i had some really, really bad pain directly afterward. generally, i have a high pain threshold – but this was really bad, and involved moaning and crying. so bad that they considered admitting me. they gave me tons of morphine and it eventually subsided enough for me to go home… but not before the morphine made me puke all over the floor, bare-assed in front of all the other post-op patients. (i was still attached to the bed and machines, and there wasn’t any sort of container nearby, so i tried in deperation to get to the sink…embarassingly at the expense of any modesty.)

as this was a laparoscopic surgery, my stomach was rather sore and very bloated from the carbon dioxide they use, but i was able to get home and relax on the couch. uncomfortable, but otherwise fine.

unfortunately one of the lovely side effects of all that morphine was what they call “urinary retention”. in other words, i couldn’t pee… for more than 24 hours.

thus all saturday afternoon was spent at a & e, and involved humiliating rubber tubing.

all cleared up and sent home again to try to rest and recuperate.

sunday morning i woke up in the worst pain of my life. i seriously thought I might pass out from the pain. i was crawling on my hands and knees, sweating profusely, and crying.

as much as i hate the idea, must call an ambulance.

ambulance rings back. they’re going to be about an hour and suggest i take a taxi instead. i agree, so they cancel the ambulance.

i take several painkillers to see if I can work up the ability to stand and take a taxi, because at this point, i’m doubled up on the sofa unable to move.

as the painkillers kick in, i manage to fall asleep on the couch for about a half hour. i wake up and try to get up – *sweet jesus*, that’s not happening. i’m shaking and sweating and involuntarily screaming.

call ambulance again. they still have several “priority” calls. i take more painkillers. lay down on couch.

wait another hour. in meantime, i foolishly try to put clothes on… bad idea. unbearable. poor j is there completely unable to help, watching his wife scream on the floor. i take more painkillers. nothing makes it better – i feel completely out of control and terrified.

ambulance finally arrives. i can’t stand up, and am taken out by chair. in the tiny lift, where i have visions of getting trapped with the most horrific, searing pain of my life. they give me gas and air which is worse than useless, and only gives me the worst cottonmouth ever. every bump makes me scream, and they keep telling me to suck on the gas and air. my mouth is stuck together, and i’m hyperventilating because i feel like i can’t breathe. the blood pressure cuff keeps inflating and making my arm go numb. i’m trembling so much that they try to put a blanket over me, but i’m insanely hot. we have to take the long route and still get stuck in traffic – eventually my desperate moans convince them to turn the sirens on. we live less than a mile from the hospital, but that was the longest mile in the world. on a pain scale of 1 – 10, that ambulance ride was a 10, and i literally thought i might die.

i am brought screaming into the a & e, saying, “please help me, please help me, please help me.” the a & e people are soooo nice. my blood pressure is extremely low, my heart rate way up, and i really think i’m going to die.

hallelujah, they give me some painkillers that work, and i start to relax my deathgrip on the bedrails. a few minutes later and i can uncurl from the foetal position. for the first time in five hours, i begin to think i just might survive.

they’re all very concerned, so they do blood tests and xrays and decide it’s just a bad infection. after several hours, more drugs of various sorts, i’m feeling about 1000 times better, so i’m sent home with antibiotics and painkillers.

i can walk, i can breathe, i can even take the tube home. i feel like dancing.

life, as it turns out, is pretty good.

and thank god for the NHS. huge drawback: having to wait an hour for an ambulance in excruciating pain.

but every single person was incredibly professional and attentive and genuinely concerned. the hospital was clean, people were efficient – the nurses who heard me come in screaming even came back to check on me. and they didn’t even charge me for the prescriptions because as they said, “you have enough to worry about right now.”

i was truly thankful that (once i got there) i got great care, and was feeling much better quite soon.

goldfrapp – a&e

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4 Comments »

4 Comments

  • 1

    Comment by noble savage

    4.08.2008 @ 09:51 am

    Dear god, that sounds about as bad as being in labour! I’m so glad you finally got the appropriate painkillers and can function again.
    And I agree about gas and air, it sucks.

  • 2

    Comment by vanessa

    4.08.2008 @ 23:57 pm

    Again baby I suck. I am just reading this. What a h orrible ordeal. I’m so sorry you went through that.

    LOve
    V

  • 3

    Comment by avril

    5.08.2008 @ 18:52 pm

    Oh,you poor baby. Take good care of yourself.

  • 4

    Comment by Nicole

    8.08.2008 @ 07:42 am

    oy gevault! Glad you are ok!

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