exciting, informative, snarky, and very likely fabricated tales of life as an american expat in london

over and out

by Jen at 7:03 pm on 26.05.2009 | 3 Comments
filed under: this sporting life

there is a british idiom which is so perfect in its meaning for the expression it is meant to convey: gutted.  when you are gutted, it feels like someone has just ripped your insides out, like something has just torn you up inside.  destroyed you from the inside out.  devastated.

i went out for a six mile run this evening, came home, withdrew my entry from the edinburgh marathon, and cried.

for the past three weeks (ever since my 20 mile run) i’ve been battling hip pain, to the point where i’ve barely been able to run at all.  the physiotherapist diagnosed bursitis of the hip  – the cushion of fluid that allows the tendon to glide over bone becomes inflamed and painful.  it can come from overtraining, and/or iliotibial band syndrome.  probably a combo of the two since i haven’t been able to do my yoga in the past 6 weeks, whilst simultaneously racking up lots of milage.

i’ve run through lots of pain before, stubbornly and ill-advisedly.  i once limped with gritted teeth through the last 10 excruciating miles of a marathon, popping insane amounts of ibuprofen, i was so determined to finish.  but if it hurts this much after just 6 miles, i’ll never make it for 26.  not in five days time, not for more than four hours of running.

the only thing worse than having to drop out now, would be having to drop out midway through.  i’m trying to comfort myself with that thought.

still, i’m crushed, and can’t pretend otherwise.  to come so close, to have trained so hard… and have to give it up.  i know people won’t understand why it’s so hard for me to accept. i know i means nothing to anyone else.

but i meant an awful lot to me.



  • 1

    Comment by Sarah

    26.05.2009 @ 19:08 pm

    I had to withdraw from a marathon at the height of my training. I was right there, I knew I could do it, I just had to let myself do it. I’ve regretted it ever since, especially since I’ve never trained for one since. It’s such an awful feeling that when I had some back pain two weeks before my first triathlon my stomach was in notes and I was sick with worry..not again. You have all my empathy and sympathy; it’s the worst feeling in the world.

  • 2

    Comment by Jen

    26.05.2009 @ 19:16 pm

    thanks sarah – it’s good to hear from someone who knows, and it means a lot.

  • 3

    Comment by Noble Savage

    27.05.2009 @ 08:12 am

    I’m sorry to hear that, Jen. I know how badly you wanted to run this marathon and it sucks that you have the will but not the way right now. Any word on when the hip might heal?

RSS feed for comments on this post