i am endlessly fascinated by the soundtrack of my own life – it ebbs and flows, swallows up the new and spits out the old, wandering in this direction and that.  it is always morphing into something new that surprises me every time i turn around – kinda like the evolution of personal relationships, my relationship with music is ever-changing.  and one of the best parts of discovering new personal relationships is discovering new music.  it becomes the background theme to the times and places and people that you will forevermore associate with a particular song or album.  and it is this emotional panorama that makes music so intensely, acutely personal.

those sentimental attachments have been playing a lot on my mind, of late – and playing a lot in my mind.  a lot of memory lane has been on repeat in my brain.  so often music *is* our memory – a stand-in for emotion and nostalgia.  memories of our childhood, memories of events, memories of family, friends and lovers.

so often, long after the details are forgotten, the music remains.

if you could distill an era of your own down to a few songs, what would they represent?  with that in mind, i thought it would be interesting to do a series of playlists based on the decades of my own life…

… starting with the 90s.  i graduated high school in 1990, so the 90s were the decade when i went to university, the decade i lived in montreal and new york, the decade i got married.  the decade i was young and then grew up.

AC/DC -You Shook Me All Night Long – this song is my university drinking song, the song we used to blast before we went out, and the song we would drunkenly blast when we got home, much to the annoyance of everyone else in the dorm.  i was 17, underage even by canadian standards, and determined to break out of my “good girl” mould.  this song is all about freedom and rebellion, and it was the beginning of mine.  and lets face it,  is there a more rocking drinking song? i submit there is not.

The Smiths – Asleep – this was the song on endless repeat the months in university that i spent contemplating suicide.  after a fun few months as a freshman, i got dumped.  hard.  by the person who’d introduced me to the smiths.  combined with a lot of other crap going on, it was the beginning of a downward spiral.  and though i’m pretty sure this song is probably the most popular suicide song ever, when you’re fast in the grips of the blackest depression, it seems like it’s meant for just you. and when you’re looking at the snow six floors below your window, this song provides the words to the feeling that you could never put words to for yourself.

Beastie Boys – No Sleep Till Brooklyn – two years in, i dropped out of university and moved to brooklyn. this song was playing.  coincidence and fate are sometimes two sides of the same coin.

Notorious B.I.G. – Juicy – this was one of our rooftop songs.  the first years in brooklyn were the poorest, and yet richest of my life.  it felt like i was truly living for the first time, and i was in the best city in the world. and when you feel like that, you gotta go up on the rooftop.

Counting Crows – Rain King – i hate this song.  for a year in 1994-1995 in brooklyn, i lived with 7 other people in one apartment, and they played this all seemed to play this fucking album incessantly.  i was working full time, going to school full time, and i would come home, exhausted and needing to write a paper, only to find giant impromptu parties in my living room and the fucking, fucking, fucking counting crows playing.

Diana Ross – I’m Coming Out – the upside of living with 7 other people was that there was always a party in my living room.  we lived just above a liquor store, and with a russian who always had quality vodka in the freezer.  the girls would get wasted on gallon jugs of cheap white wine and do the bus stop while the guys smoked bongs and drank vodka.  it was hella fun.

Heatwave – Always And Forever – in the summer of 1997, i got married.  this was our song.  i know, i know!  but that’s the thing about couples’ songs – you don’t choose them, they choose you.  it was a ridiculously hot day, i was so late that our minister nearly had to leave, we got married in the park, i wore a white dress and purple sandals.  i don’t really remember too much else about it.  that’s the weird thing about weddings – you think you’ll remember every detail, but it all goes by in a giant blur.  but i remember this song.  funny – until i looked it up just now, i thought it was by ‘peaches and herb’.  just goes to show.

Len – Steal My Sunshine – in february 1999 we moved from brooklyn to the burbs of boston.  it turned out to be ill-advised for so very many reasons:  i took a job i came to loathe, and it was effectively the deathknell for my marriage.  but for one glorious summer, it all seemed fantastic.  we had a giant flat with a garden.  we had a dog.  we had a car.  i used to come home from work, crack open a beer, bring the radio and newspaper outside, turn on the sprinkler and let the dog loose.  it was my own little slice of suburban heaven, and this song captured it all.

turns out, i wouldn’t be that happy again for a long time.  but i didn’t know that at the time, and i did not yet know of all the changes the new millenium would bring for me…

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